-Shit Happens-

Taoist - Shit happens.
Buddhist - Shit happening is an illusion.
Hindu - This shit has happened before.
Muslim - It is the will of Allah that Shit happens.
Confucian - Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Zen - What is the sound of shit happening?
Hare Krishna - Shit happens shit happens shit shit happens happens.
Pagan - Shit is part of the Goddess.
Scientology - Feces occurs.
Stoic - So shit happens; I can take it.
Calvinist - Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Christian Scientist - If shit happens, pray and it will go away.
Catholic - If shit happens, you deserve it.
Jew - Why does this shit always happen to us?
Protestant - Let shit happen to someone else.
Atheist - Shit happens for no reason.
Agnostic - Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarian - Let's smoke this shit (and see what happens).
Jehovah's Witnesses - Let us in and we'll tell you why shit happens.
Quaker - Shitting in silence is happening.
Cartesian - It shits, therefore it is happening.
Marxist - We make shit, and it looks just like us.
Baptists - Once you're saved, shit doesn't happen unless you backslide.